Impatiently Waiting for our Miracle(s)

2:00 in the morning, and I’m wide awake. Let me tell you something about myself… I very very rarely have issues sleeping. Like I can count on one hand the times that I haven’t been able to sleep through the night. I’m that person that will wake up, roll over, and go straight back to sleep. But tonight I’m wide awake. Today was a rough day. Hell, the last two weeks have been rough. My husband is believed to have cancer. In the bile ducts. Which is the thing that we’ve feared the most over the last four years . And the worst part? They can’t even prove it with biopsies, because it’s that far into his bile ducts, and that hard to detect. Our saving grace was always, “if he gets cancer, as long as we catch it in time, we’ll be able to automatically get exception points on the transplant list, and that will move him up the list quickly.” But we can’t even do that. I feel stuck. And afraid. Two weeks ago, Reid had a Spyglass (ERCP) procedure because his Houston transpla...

We are about a week away from starting the “priming” process of IVF round 3. I’m really excited for our next round. Yes, I wish we didn’t have to do it. But we do, and I’ve decided to completely embrace it and be totally hopeful. In the past I’ve worked so hard to guard my heart during our rounds. Which is 100% normal when you’re battling infertility. At some point, you just get to where you want so badly for everything to work out, but you’re also realistic and know that it doesn’t always work the way you’d hope.   But I’m going into this round full of hope. I’m still nervous to say “when this works…” or “when we’re pregnant…” but I’ve caught myself saying that a couple of times. During my nightly breathing exercises (as recommended by my acupuncturist), I’ve been saying “We will get pregnant this year, we will have a healthy baby next year.” Crap, that’s scary to type out. And I can hear my superstitious husband on the other end of this saying “noooo!! Don’t say that out loud!!...