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Infertility and Pregnancy Loss: Dee's Story


I asked my mom to write a blog post for National Infertility Awareness Week. She struggled with infertility and pregnancy losses of her own, and is now experiencing the pains of infertility again as Reid and I struggle through it. I'm proud to share her words, and appreciate her sharing her heart with you all! This is Dee's Story. 

I am honored to share my story this National Infertility Awareness Week.  Many of you know the story of my daughter Abby and son-in-law Reid, their infertility issues and the miracles we are all praying for. You may not know that I went through some of these issues myself.  Only it was the early 80's and no one told me it was "infertility".   In fact no one really talked about the subject.

I had two miscarriages before having my first child, Abby.  It was a two year ordeal but at the time it felt like a lifetime.  Everything in life had fallen into place perfectly to this point.  I had graduated college, started a career, had a fairy tale wedding - life was "on track".  The next thing I knew I was pregnant.  JOY...the first child for us and the first grandchild for my parents!  I, like Abby, projected into the months ahead with excitement.  And then one day out of nowhere - a miscarriage. I was in what I thought was the darkest of despair. But the doctor said, "this happens a lot, just try again". So we starting trying. Soon thereafter, pregnancy number two. Halfway through the pregnancy, we suffered another heartbreak as we lost our second baby.  This time I actually saw that precious naturally aborted fetus and it was more heartbreaking than ever.  How would I ever get over it? You never completely do.

I am blessed with a mom and sister who are always there for me!  My husband was too, but I don't think he felt the grief after the second loss like I did; it happened the week he was graduating college so I am not sure he ever really got the chance to grieve. There were some family and friends who found it easier to pretend it didn't happen.  For me that was very painful. I needed to talk. I had to struggle through it. And I found a good counselor.

The third time I was pregnant it was rather "normal". After getting through the halfway point (pregnancy after loss can be quite difficult) I was much more confident...and God gave me this perfect beautiful 10 lb. 1-1/2 oz baby girl named Abby Elizabeth. And my life would never be the same. I had more love in my heart than I ever knew possible, and I know motherhood is the greatest privilege ever in life. It was six years later before I gave birth to beautiful baby #2, her sister Megan Leigh, and again my heart expanded beyond measure. I love both these girls "more than air" and am so proud of the amazing daughters, women and wives they are today. They are proof that God is good. I know now that God knew which two babies to bring into my life. Babies truly are a miracle!

Not a day goes by that I don't feel the pain of Abby and Reid's struggle. Seeing my own daughter going through it is worse than my very worst of pain. I know the personal pain of loss, and I cannot fix it. But I also know the greatness of the joy they look forward to, and how very strong they are together. There was a time that Abby lost hope and was angry at the world and even questioned if God loved her. I had great hope, still, and she got mad about that, but I understood her feelings.  

One day she picked herself up, called a counselor who specialized in infertility and became part of an incredible support group. She has reached out as an advocate for others struggling. And she opened up a heart-felt dialogue with hundreds and/or thousands with her blog. In the 1980's such a network wasn't possible, nor were the advances in medicine. In the end I believe that sometimes it takes a little medical science, but it is still no less than a miracle. I pray every day for their miracles and I am filled with joy at ALL the amazing people who lift them each day. I know that there is an army supporting them and my heart is happy.  

As the mom in this scenario I can only feed the HOPE and the FAITH that great things will happen, and be so totally grateful of the strength of character within Abby and Reid as they experience this roller coaster of creating life. My life has taught me that sometimes when things appear to be falling apart they are really falling into the right place. But it sure doesn't feel like it in the middle of it.

And in this process, more than ever, I realize the importance of just LISTENING! If you have someone struggling with infertility, don't avoid them because you don't know what to say. EMBRACE them in the struggle, and take your cues from them! Just knowing you are in their tribe and there to support them makes all the difference. And they will NEVER forget it! 

I am a survivor of infertility!

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