Impatiently Waiting for our Miracle(s)

I’m so f-ing tired of sharing bad news with you all. If this wasn’t my life, I wouldn’t believe the shit storm we’ve been through this week. And I’m so f-ing tired of it. I’m sorry, but today’s post is going to be quite raw. If my grandma wasn't reading, I would write out the real f-bombs. Because that’s how angry I am today. We just finished the first couple of steps for IVF round #1 (which I thought would be our only round, and still may be). We got through the stimming process where I took nightly hormone injections. We got through the egg retrieval and had four eggs retrieved (low, but I high-fived the doctor because it was more than one). We got through the incubation process of the two embryos that fertilized, and they both made it to freeze at day 6. Both embryos were deemed GOOD quality (on a rating system of poor, fair, or good). We were so excited. I was ignorant enough to think that a good quality embryo couldn’t have chromosome issues. We were planning for a transf...

I keep procrastinating posting about the first week of IVF because honestly I’m so freaking tired. I assume it’s the hormones, but I could fall asleep standing right now. And that’s while drinking a Frappuccino.  Also… hormone rage is a real thing, y’all. I’ve had my share of mood swings the last couple of days. From what I understand, that’s to be expected when you pump your body full of hormones. I keep trying to remind myself of that fact. We’ve made it to day 9 of “stimming” (stimulating the ovaries to produce eggs). We started the injections (day 1 of stimming) on Sunday, September 3 rd . I have to say, the injections themselves aren’t as bad as I’d made them out to be in my mind. The needle that I use is only ½ inch, and it’s a 27 gauge. The medication burns going in, but I’ve learned that my right side doesn’t hurt near as bad as my left side. Fortunately I was directed to alternate sides each night, so it only hurts every other night. I started the process on 225 I...

One year ago today was one of the worst days of my life. I walked into my doctor’s office excited and optimistic, ready for my weekly ultrasound and to see our baby. Over the past week, my pregnancy symptoms had increased, and I had shared the good news with all of our family and friends. This was finally happening. We were going to be parents and had made it to 9 ½ weeks. And then the doctor started the ultrasound and the look on his face told a different story. He said in a very soft voice “I’m so sorry, but there’s no longer a heartbeat.” I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. Take it back! But he couldn’t. If you want to hear the whole story of that pregnancy, you can go here . This post isn’t to relive that day… I do that in my head often enough. This post is to say that a year later, I’m a different person. That experience changes you. For me, it has made me a much stronger person. I remember sitting on my couch that day, staring blankly and ...

After 3 years of trying and 3 pregnancy losses, we’ve decided to take the plunge and go for IVF. Several things played into our decision to finally start the process: 1. My low AMH (ovarian reserve), 2. It’s been 6+ months since we last conceived, 3. All 3 of our pregnancies have ended in heartbreak, 4. IVF allows us to test the embryos (via Preimplantation genetic screening - PGS – testing) so that we hopefully don’t have the chromosomal issues we’ve had with 2 of the 3 pregnancies, 5. It gives us a little more control over the timing (if that’s such a thing) and 6. We don’t know what the anti-rejection medication will do to Reid’s fertility once he has the liver transplant. At first, I was sad that we got to this point. Last year when we made the tough decision to start IVF, we came to terms with it, and then found out we were pregnant on our own the day before we were to start the process. So in the back of my mind, I hoped and prayed that would happen again. But it didn’t. I t...